New Stock Market Terms

Just a little something silly.. while I still contemplate putting something of sustenance here.

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO
— Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET
— A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET
— A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING
— The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST
— Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT
— When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER
— A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION
— The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW
— The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO
— What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS
— What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
— Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT
— An archaic word no longer in use.
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